Its funny how memories always playback when ever you want them to. Perhaps God’s gift is sometimes too much to handle for some of use because whether you like it or not, the bad memories as well as the good memories will start floating back like a record player playing backwards.

Mine usually happens before sleep. Probably that’s why I sometimes find it difficult to doze off even if I feel very tired (if you heard my boyfriend complaining about me being otherwise, that’s a lie!). Flash back of memories will start floating back. Just yesterday night, I was thinking about my work. Most of the time, probably due to stress, I would think about a million things that I could do the next morning or could have done that day. I would think about how I could have managed something better or prepare mentally a list of things to do. Sometimes the feeling is so overbearing that you would feel like running back to the office just to settle those pending issues. But of course, that would have been pretty silly

Recently, I also suddenly thought of an ex colleague of mine. I knew her when I was still fresh from the market. It seemed like decades ago and although I did not keep in touch with her anymore, I could still remember how she was. Funny, because I never thought to be close to her. I remember thinking about how was her attitude towards work and when sometimes stress permits, she would lash out on people simply because she was stressful. I also remember thinking to myself , “God, I would never want to be like her because its just so bad!”. Nothing personal, I like her pretty much because she was nice on her good moods. Generally, she would lash out to only suppliers and not her colleagues so I remember liking her.

But sometimes time only will tell. I suddenly remembered telling myself not to be like her but as shocking as it may seem, I was exactly like her in some ways. The funniest part was I did not even realize about it until now. But then again, if I had realize, would I have changed? Probably not since characters are already embedded into our system since young. I just hope I would change overtime though cause its kinda bad knowing that I’ve turned into something that I promised myself not to turn into…

The fact that after a week, it still bugs me that I still need some getting-used-to-situation. A lot of instances that I have developed over the years that I have been in the previous company made me feel pretty weird at times and not know what to do at that situation.

For example, my previous company has the culture of shaking hands with everyone in the department before and after work. So, in a way, you are kind of saying good morning and good bye to everyone. Yeah, I did previously complain about this weird culture before but after some getting used to its pretty good actually. Why? Because you know if the person came to work or left work or not! Here, we don’t need to shake hands so not wishing your colleagues good morning or good bye seems pretty weird. Its like not greeting anyone at all. You can choose not to greet anyone if you are feeling grumpy for waking up on the wrong side of bed!

Then there’s also the getting-used-to saying “store”. Here, its no more store! Its “restaurant”. Weird actually when you accidentally say “store” and people look at you in some weird sense because there’s no such thing as store but “restaurant”

Then there’s also the emptiness in the office. Back then, it was all noisy (actually, the thing was I had a culture shock because the company before that was even noisier). Here, it redefines the meaning of quiet.

I hope time will only tell

Today is the 5^th day of my new work. Wanted badly to update everyday but as usual, its pretty tiring especially when you’ve stopped working for exactly 14 days and stopped blogging for almost a year. On the whole, it seems like a fairly “nice” company. My immediate superior was pretty nice and managed to “belanja” me makan on my first day of work. Something that I only manage to experience after 6 years of working in this dog eat dog world. I can’t really pin point anything in particular but I’ve already started to miss my previous company’s colleagues.

Back then, Apart from being one of the youngest staff, it meant a lot of privileges which includes sisterly attention (just imagine yourself being the youngest and how your older siblings would “spoil” you, then you’ll get a feel of how it is), I could also manja along with the rest of them. Then there’s also the fact that 2 of my closest colleagues cum friends are always there by my side when I needed additional advice or “I want to complain” sessions. Yes, we always complain about everything. I guess birds of the same feather flock together. Now, I have nothing. That’s actually the scariest part of switching jobs. Getting to know a new environment, the new people, a new boss, a new workplace, new things to eat for lunch. Oh, by the way, it’s a really funny thing when my colleague asked me the other day what do I usually take for lunch. Why funny? Because back there, we used to have really good lunch approximately about rm20 a day! Lunch was the only thing that could make you happy and enjoying it makes the day brighter. Probably telling her my lunch budget back then would have scared her away. After all, I wouldn’t want to make any bad first impressions, don’t you think so?

Things are also pretty different, not only in terms of job spec. its also the environment. I now have my personal e-mail which is feels pretty weird after 2 ½ years of not having any means of communication to the outside world. Then again, everything seems to be communicated via e-mail which also feels pretty weird as last time, sending an e-mail would mean something official which is perceived as a complaint or something bad that you want the higher management to know.

I also now officially have a laptop making me look part of the geek world where people carry laptops. Sheesh, why the carrying? Its so heavy that I dread for the day to start and end. Afterall, I also stay in a 4 storey walk up flats which needless to explain also you know why. On the bright side, it keeps reminding me not to gain that additional weight. Imagine all the weight I have to carry everyday. Scary.