Just today, I’ve got a mysterious sms from my long lost schoolmate. According to her, we are suppose to have a gathering tomorrow at Chilli’s BSC! I’m so scared! The first thing that came to my mind was “Are you nuts? Who want’s to go to a whole class gathering where people take the opportunity to brag on and on about how great their life is? Or how rich they are? Or how lucky they are? Or worst still how successful they are?”

Nope. Not when I think I’m not successful enough, at least on their books. I did blog once before that my high school life wasn’t something pretty and nice. I hated life at high school. People there intimidate (is that how you use this word?) me. Worst off, people there have so huge ego and self-esteem, its scary. I don’t think I can go through yet another gathering that kill’s my already low self-esteem.

I did once blog about one gathering I went to like 7 years ago which still haunts me til today. I have no idea why I can still remember very clearly how people look at me so small because all of them are so great. I remember when they laughed at me when I shared with them that I was taking degree in Marketing whereas the rest of them are taking some bombastic subjects which you can’t even spell or read out loud properly. Then when they asked where I was studying, they were like (in a very disgusting sarcastic voice) said “Erughhh, what’s it again? Aren’t you going anywhere out of Malaysia?” Maklumlah, I’m not from a very well to do family whereas the most of them stay in places scattered around Bangsar. If anyone doesn’t know what Bangsar is all about, I guess you could say its an equivelent to Hollywood?

Then another recent one, some 5 years back, they saw me in Mid Valley with SoGua and was with this duhhhhhh attitude. Note to everyone, this group and the 7 years back group are totally different group! When asked where I was studying, studying what (I was already working then when the most of them are still studying), doing what recently blah blah blah all the non-sensical questions, they had the same sarcastic, disgusting tonality. Like laughing out very loudly. One even said, “Oh, I’m studying physcology in dunno what what what taking triple degree at Australia’s most re-nouned uni call dunno what what what”. You can’t imagine how I felt then.

Still, I don’t know why they still disturb me. Perhaps, I took such a long time to develop a sense of love for myself, a thinking that “Its great to be me!” that I am afraid by meeting up with them I have to start all over again?

But then again, I am curious how great everyone is doing. Apparently, rumours has it that one of my school’s smartest girl got offered by NASA and is now earning a minimum of american dollar $10k. I wonder how true’s that. Because, if it is, I’ll probably kill myself because me and her aren’t the best friends in the world back in school days. She used to sneer at my stupidity of understanding the world of Add Maths. I remember once she remarked, “I can’t understand why you take this subject when you are more qualified for the Arts stream”. Screw her!

Update more when I finally meet the monsters and big headed creatures tomorrow. Whis me lots of luck. Til then!