In a quest to find friends, I’ve always wonder what friends are really about. Strip away all the fake-ness you have in a human, can you really find a true friend in this cruel world? I’m always a person that no matter where I go I’m not alone. However, these people that always are with me, not a single one of them are my true friends. I always envy those people that have someone to share their problems and happiness with apart from their other half. Take for example, recently I have been let down by one of my so called friends. The situation was like this…

One my x-colleages will be leaving to Australia very soond and would not be back for good. Or at least that was what she said. Jen told everyone of us (my x-colleagues gang consists about 8-10 girls whom we were all pretty close back then when I was in my old office) that she would be moving to Melbourne permanently and back then, the news was broke out to me about a 4-5 months back. Things just went differently after I left the company.

Actually, I’ve always been in touch with them. At that point, one by one left the lousy company. During that time, sometimes they organized farewell dinners which I took the intiative to participate each and every dinner they organized. However, work load was taking up and to complicate things furher, my working hours end at 6.30 and theirs 5.30. By the time I arrive to the scene, it would probably be around 8pm the latest.

I didn’t know that I was being one of the “forgotten” ones (another one more “forgotten colleage was Mei who’s closer to me because we were in the same dept) until once I met Jen online at Yahoo Msger when she told me if I was going to dinner for her farewell on Wednesday (at that time, it was Monday). I was kinda shock and I agreed to go to the dinner. Actually, Jen (if you are reading this) I would not in my whole entire life attend the dinner if it was not because you are leaving Malaysia for good. To be “invited” to dinner like this, call me “siu hei”, but I feel very uninvited. In the end, Jen urged me to call Banana as she knows where the dinner was held.

All hell went lose when I called Banana the next day and asked jokingly why wasn’t I invited. All Banana knew was only to laugh and told me she knew nothing about it and that the only person that knows where the dinner was held was SM. When I called SM and ask why wasn’t I invited, the reason she said was because I always do not attend their gatherings. Is that really a good reason? I don’t believe so because the only time I did not attend their gatherings was when they organized a trip to Perak on a day that I could not possibly take any leaves. Even if it was true, I prefer the truth rather than blaming the reason back to me. Its like as if they were blaming its all my fault I could not attend their gatherings and therefore did not bother calling me anymore. How can you justify that?

Because of Jen, I ended up attending the dinner. Everyone of course did not sense anything was wrong and it was only then I realized that they meet up every single week for dinner. No wonder they were so close to each other whereas me was only sitting there like a fool or an outsider. On top of everything else, as the dinner was to the end, they organized yet another dinner the following week. Everyone asked for everyone’s timetable except for mine and did not even bother about my timetable. When dates and times were set, I just informed everyone I would not be able to make it no one even bothered to check what was the reason behind it. Is it just me? Or is it that they just don’t really care? I just don’t get it. If you don’t like anything about me , then why bother being my friend in the 1st place when we were colleagues?

Finally, everything tops it all when a week after the dinner, another of my x-colleage smsed me asking if I would like to share the cost of the farewell gift for Jen. Now, is it that if go out have fun there is no such person as IceQueen but if got need for cash then iceQueen is the person to call?

P/s : I decided to change my skin again because my dancing woman got something wrong when viewing under IE. So I think this one is better. Makes you thristy hor just looking at the lemonade right.